Back to square one

So I’m in a singles ward

and I talked to my Bishop

(a while ago. I’m catching you up.)

Basically, I’m back into the swing of things.

Renewing my covenants every week.

I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.

It makes a difference.

 

By the end of the month I should be able to get my temple recommend, and I will be even happier then than I am now. I can’t believe what a difference it makes. I never knew how much a week can suffer just from missing one Sunday. ONE Sunday, and my whole week felt off. But I went today, and it was amazing. And it’s going to stay amazing.

Always.

I love meeting with my Bishop.

It’s finally over.

All the heartache, the pain, the hurt

The wishing waiting hoping dreaming

It’s all paid off (:

And I’m where I’m supposed to be.

What a grand life we lead.

… Now what?

I talked last time about Him. I’d like to elaborate a little, and outline my dilemma. We’ve had a few deep discussions about how we feel about each other and our future. We agree that our relationship grows deeper and stronger every day, and that we’re both terrified to lose each other. We got on the subject of religion while laying in bed a few weeks ago, and he sort of nudged me and said, “yeah, I think that’s where we’re gonna have problems, babe.” And he was right. He’s Mormon. He wants to get married in the temple, have a big Mormon family, and be Mormon-y and righteous the rest of his days. Okay, so I’m paraphrasing. But that’s the gist of it.

Me not being Mormon, our relationship would work out fine on my end. I’m open and accepting, I have no rules to follow, as long as I feel I’m doing right and I’m happy. But he can’t just get married by himself in the temple, duh. I would obviously have to be there. And just thinking about him going off to church by himself, everyone always asking where his wife is, not having real support at home.. And I would support him, I would. But if I wasn’t a member of his religion, it wouldn’t be real, wouldn’t be enough. He wouldn’t be able to come to me as easily as someone from church. That’s just the way Mormons work. If you don’t marry another Mormon, you can’t follow the path to righteousness.. Something like that. Again, paraphrasing.

Here’s my dilemma..

I love him. With all my heart and soul. There’s no one on Earth like him. He’s everything I want, and everything I never knew I wanted. He’s every cute cliché and every cheesy romance. And the longer I’m with him, the more I think about him, the more I might want that forever. I’m trying to be realistic, but I can’t deny that’s a real possibility.

But he’s Mormon, and I’m not.

I want him to be happy.

The question I pose is this: Do I give the Mormon religion another chance for him, effectively throwing away who I am and what I believe to make him happy?

He said he doesn’t want me to change for him, that he doesn’t want me to want to change. But someone is going to have to give up something for us to be happy together for more than this temporary state. Am I willing to let that be me? Am I willing to give open support to a group I’ve been immensely disappointed in, to lock myself up in a corner of my heart, to throw away the peace I’ve worked so hard to obtain, for him? So that he can be happy, and I can be happy with him? Would it be worth it? I’ve always been told not to change myself for love, because love fades, it’s not worth it, blah blah blah. I never thought I would even consider it, was sure I would never do it. Now.. Now, I look in his eyes, I play with his hair, and I think I could do anything for him.. Even, effectively, changing my own self.

Would it be worth it?