… Now what?

I talked last time about Him. I’d like to elaborate a little, and outline my dilemma. We’ve had a few deep discussions about how we feel about each other and our future. We agree that our relationship grows deeper and stronger every day, and that we’re both terrified to lose each other. We got on the subject of religion while laying in bed a few weeks ago, and he sort of nudged me and said, “yeah, I think that’s where we’re gonna have problems, babe.” And he was right. He’s Mormon. He wants to get married in the temple, have a big Mormon family, and be Mormon-y and righteous the rest of his days. Okay, so I’m paraphrasing. But that’s the gist of it.

Me not being Mormon, our relationship would work out fine on my end. I’m open and accepting, I have no rules to follow, as long as I feel I’m doing right and I’m happy. But he can’t just get married by himself in the temple, duh. I would obviously have to be there. And just thinking about him going off to church by himself, everyone always asking where his wife is, not having real support at home.. And I would support him, I would. But if I wasn’t a member of his religion, it wouldn’t be real, wouldn’t be enough. He wouldn’t be able to come to me as easily as someone from church. That’s just the way Mormons work. If you don’t marry another Mormon, you can’t follow the path to righteousness.. Something like that. Again, paraphrasing.

Here’s my dilemma..

I love him. With all my heart and soul. There’s no one on Earth like him. He’s everything I want, and everything I never knew I wanted. He’s every cute cliché and every cheesy romance. And the longer I’m with him, the more I think about him, the more I might want that forever. I’m trying to be realistic, but I can’t deny that’s a real possibility.

But he’s Mormon, and I’m not.

I want him to be happy.

The question I pose is this: Do I give the Mormon religion another chance for him, effectively throwing away who I am and what I believe to make him happy?

He said he doesn’t want me to change for him, that he doesn’t want me to want to change. But someone is going to have to give up something for us to be happy together for more than this temporary state. Am I willing to let that be me? Am I willing to give open support to a group I’ve been immensely disappointed in, to lock myself up in a corner of my heart, to throw away the peace I’ve worked so hard to obtain, for him? So that he can be happy, and I can be happy with him? Would it be worth it? I’ve always been told not to change myself for love, because love fades, it’s not worth it, blah blah blah. I never thought I would even consider it, was sure I would never do it. Now.. Now, I look in his eyes, I play with his hair, and I think I could do anything for him.. Even, effectively, changing my own self.

Would it be worth it?

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  1. #1 by myyearof30 on February 4, 2011 - 1:16 am

    im not mormon but this was interesting to me.
    do you have a religion at all? are you strong in your faith? if so, maybe he can change to yours afterall if its ok for you to give up your religion it could be as easy for him to change his (if that is his expectation)
    if you dont
    what have u really got to lose by converting? if you dont already believe in God then you are only saving yourself. Living life without God and faith is like living life without health insurance or home and contents insurance…u dont chagne urself you would only be improving yourself.
    something to think about anyway 🙂

    • #2 by stellarmeadow on February 4, 2011 - 1:22 am

      Interesting thoughts! I’m not religious, but I’m very spiritual. I have a boatload of faith, and a strong relationship with God. He doesn’t expect me to change for him- in fact, I would be willing to bet he doesn’t even know I’m thinking about it. This is why I’m so torn. I believe very strongly in who I am, and he is very proud of his religion. It really has helped him be an amazing person. I can’t deny that influence in his life. So him denouncing his religion is just off the table. It’s who he is.

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