phantom of the opera

Last night I went to Mel’s house, cause we both needed a girls night. I’ve talked to Mel before, but never really deep. We’ve never really gotten to the heart of anything, and sometimes it felt kinda superficial. But we talked last night, a lot. It was awesome. We’re so much alike, and she’s so sweet. She knows what I’m going through, how I feel. It really made me think I’m not alone.

We watched the Phantom of the Opera- which, of course, puts me in the most romantic mood ever. It’s such a sweet, sad, bitter love story.. I didn’t cry, but it satisfied my craving to see real love- at least for a little while. But it makes me want to dance by candlelight, be held in my lovers arms, make sweet music together with the man of my dreams.

If only life was like a musical.

You’re in love, you kiss, you sing together, you get married. And that’s as bad as it gets. Nothing is complicated, no mistake can’t be fixed with a simple chat, everything turns out perfect. Pure poetry.

-sigh- What a hopeless romantic. (:

We talked a lot about my situation with Dave, and hers with Joey. I hadn’t realized they were so similar. But talking to her, I realized we really can help each other. She’s a girl I want to be around all the time, definitely. An angel, sent just when I needed one.

I hope Dave finds his angel, too.

When we were broken up last winter, he wouldn’t go hang out with his friends much- instead, he stayed home, watched a movie, and cried. I am SO terrified that he’s going to slip into that again, that he isn’t going to seek out help when he needs it. But then.. I guess I’m afraid of that for me, too. What a pair we are. Turning away from things that might help us the most. I don’t understand us sometimes. But I love us anyway. (:

Soooo so much. I love Dave with all my heart. I tell him all the time, because I just can’t help it. I guess every girl is afraid that the man she loves is suddenly going to forget her, that some pretty little blue eyed blonde is going to come steal him away with a beguiling smile and a toss of her hair.

Maybe that’s just what I’m afraid of.

It’s so odd, being here. I love him with all my heart, and I’m as close to certain as I can be that everything will work out just fine, but he doesn’t know that. I don’t know how to tell him, either. Cause everything will be fine, and we’ll be happy. We’re going to be so much stronger for what we’re going through right now. Our relationship is going to soar. I wish he could see that. I guess I’ll just have to wait.

I think I feel better about the seeming unfairness between our consequences, too. I feel like I can be satisfied with what I’m handed. Of course, that’s something I’ll have to work out with God. But I think I will be able to forgive my self, as long as Heavenly Father and Dave forgive me, too.

Everything is going to work out eventually. I know this.

But man, it hurts right now.. My current mantra is “Don’t cry, and keep caring.” It’s what I need to do. We have to be strong, but we can do it. Because we’re just that good.

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