Write write write

Typetypetype. Writewritewrite. I never really know what to expect from my life. I woke up today feeling good, and then I crashed into near tears, and then I was fine. I’m excited to go dancing tonight.. But I don’t really want to go to momentum before that. I’ll probably feel differently later, though. And I have an interview! Soon. I had a phone interview this morning, but I have a real interview with someone different at three.. About an hour and a half. It will be an adventure I guess. I can’t wait to be doing something new, something important. I can’t wait to mean something. I hate being so useless. But I love writing..
It makes me feel so good. I can let everything out, just go and go and no one will interrupt me. Staples would call it vomiting. Just spewing. And that’s what it is. It feels cleansing. Like I’m getting rid of all the bad inside of me. That’s just what you need sometimes. It’s important to be filled with the good, and that’s kinda what this does for me. These awful, dark, disgusting pieces of text are my saving graces. They make room for the light that I try to cultivate inside of me. When I’ve gotten it out, written it, thrown it all up, I can forget about it. I can feel peace, for a time. I can pretend that everything is super okay, and that I’m right where I want to be- no matter how far from that spot I may really be. I think I could probably handle just about anything as long as I could write through it. Just blah blah blah and yap yap yap and suddenly I would be alright for a while.
I haven’t been eating a lot. I don’t think that’s good.. I should watch that more. It’s not intentional, I’m just not hungry I guess. Or I don’t think about it. Or I’m busy. Either way, it’s not healthy. And I’ve got to take care of myself. Don’t cry, and keep caring. I’m doing really good for the most part. Really, really good. I shower, do my laundry, brush my teeth, even clean my room now and then. And I write, so I clean my soul out, too. But I think in all that, I forget that my body needs sustenance, that it needs to be taken care of.
Mel just came over, and everything is better again. I also have some cream cheese pie. Yum.
Love without depending.
Everything will be okay.

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