Posts Tagged family

More than I am

I hope someday to be more than I am now.
But then, that’s not quite right, is it?
One day soon, I will be more than I am now. That is a promise.

I am meant for wonderful things in my life. We all are- it’s why we’re here. Sometimes it may take a while to figure it out, but it’s always there. And isn’t that half the battle? Figuring out who we are, why we’re on this spinning ball? Of course it is. For some people, that’s the hardest part. Others have known where they were going since preschool. Some people- like me- know why they’re here, but forget sometimes. So just remind yourself. There are so many ways to get back to what you feel is right. Just put in that effort, and you can go where you need to go.

I think I need to turn my life more towards my ultimate goal- being a mother. I want to follow a career path that will be the easiest to maintain with children, change my temperament and cultivate my patience. I want to learn, so much, so that I can answer little prying questions. I have so much work to do before I’ll be prepared for so great a calling- and who’s to say I ever will be prepared?

All I know, is that that is why I’m here. I will bring angels to this world, and if I’m going to be ready, I’ve got to start now. My future children have got to fight their way into my priorities, in whatever ways I can manage. Of course, admitting my destiny, my future, is a big step for me. It can be a big step for all of us.

Do you know where you’re going? Are you floating along, looking vaguely at everything surrounding you, wondering where you’re headed? I urge you to find out. Simply having a plan is so helpful, so motivating. Start somewhere. Try something. If it doesn’t fit, move on. Make a decision. Action by inaction is the worst thing you can do. Get up. Move. Do.

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In Him.. (It’s the way I am. 6.)

So everyone knows I’m in love with Dave… Even Dave knows it. Lately we’ve made some decisions about our relationship that are going to take us to grand and beautiful places. I’m so excited for us. But as we were talking about these decisions, we talked about some other things, too.

Like the fact that he is terrified for marriage- which everyone also knows, including me. He’s simply not ready for something like that. And I’m okay with it, I understand. Yesterday he said something about how we would probably break up before he ever got married, in conjunction with a statement about how he didn’t “know if we will get married or what.” I take this as progress. I have to wonder, however, what he would say or think if he knew how strongly I feel that that is exactly where our relationship is headed. Maybe not soon, not for a while. But not only is that something I want, it’s something I feel I’m going to have. And I can’t wait for that.

Every day, possibly every moment, I feel we are making decisions and doing the things that are setting us straighter and farther on the paths to our futures. I could be wrong about our paths staying interconnected for eternity, but I don’t really feel I am. Either way, connected or not, we’re going the right way. We’re doing the right things to promise our salvation, our peace. I have never loved another the way that I love him, nor do I want to. He is so special, so sacred and wonderful. I thank God every day for the love He’s blessed us with, and for the opportunity to be with someone who, in all honesty, has saved me.

One day, when my beautiful daughter asks me who my first love was, I don’t want to pull out old photo albums. I don’t want to dig through a box of old letters, search the dusty recesses of my mind, tell fantastic and tragic tales of love gone awry. I want to point across the room at my husband and say to my little girl, “He’s right there.”

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