Posts Tagged inspiration
It is so hard to be disappointed.
There is a plethora of things to disappoint us in this life- big and small.
I am disappointed my hair didn’t turn out quite like I wanted it today.
I’m also disappointed I’m not engaged.
I remember, about a year ago, maybe a little less.. I was sure I would be engaged by summer. I just knew that I would be. Imagine my disappointment, then, when mere months later that illusion was shattered. Everything changed, my fairy tale was torn apart.
I was hurt. I was devastated, and miserable, and sure I would never be happy again. Even now, I know I’m jaded, and a little bit ruined. But I am getting better. I am strong, and I know what I deserve, and I am working hard to understand- and be content with- the way things worked out. I know I am better off right now, and that I am where I am for a reason. It’s not hard to see the benefits that have come from this shattering experience.
Just knowing it’s right isn’t always enough, however. We have to hit that realization for ourselves, believe it’s right, know without a shadow of a doubt that we are where we belong. And that is a hard truth to face.
Getting your hopes up for the way you think things ought to be is a dangerous road to travel. More often than not, you will be disappointed. But sometimes…
Sometimes, you will have wonderful people there to help carry you when your legs get weak. My best friend is an angel, supporting me when I feel like falling, lending me hope when I’m filled with despair, giving me strength when I want to give up. Merely knowing she is on my side makes me feel invincible, like I can overcome any wild disparity in my hopes that I may encounter.
Life is filled with disappointments. It makes me think of my own when I see those of others. But I know that if I can overcome a broken spirit and hardening heart, then so can anyone else- even you.
So I’m in a singles ward
and I talked to my Bishop
(a while ago. I’m catching you up.)
Basically, I’m back into the swing of things.
Renewing my covenants every week.
I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.
It makes a difference.
By the end of the month I should be able to get my temple recommend, and I will be even happier then than I am now. I can’t believe what a difference it makes. I never knew how much a week can suffer just from missing one Sunday. ONE Sunday, and my whole week felt off. But I went today, and it was amazing. And it’s going to stay amazing.
A couple of months ago, when I was first coming back to the church, I really wanted to learn about Christ. That seemed to be my number one objective. I wanted to know about his life, the sacrifice he made for us, and what He means to me. In an unconnected event, I decided to read the Book of Mormon. I’ve already posted a little about that, if you recall. But what I want to talk about now is the fact that this book is a true and full testament of Christ. It’s incredible. Every page shouts a message of hope and peace at me. It promises me so many wonderful blessings. It soothes my soul and calms my pounding heart. It makes me want to spout dramatic and cliche phrases- so I do.
I truly love it. I am still behind on my challenge- more so than I would like to admit- but I am finding it over and over again. It keeps touching me in different ways, sending me new awe-inspiring messages. It fills me with a love I didn’t know I had. It is inspiring, motivating, and shocking. I am learning so much.
Christ lives. He is our Savior, and this November.. He’s what I’m really thankful for.
”The simple fact is this: anything that does not draw us closer to God takes us away from him. We have no middle ground, no foggy area where we can sin a little without suffering spiritual decline. That is why we must repent and come to Christ daily on submissive knees so that we can prevent bonfires of testimony from being snuffed out by sin.” -Joseph B. Wirthlin (Moroni 7:16-17)
I joined an event on facebook(which you can find here) to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. It’s been a little tough- I’m already behind. But every time I sit down to read, I am so filled with joy.. It’s inexpressibly beautiful. This book is so incredible.
“And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, … and they teach all men that they should do good.” 2 Nephi 33:10
Reading this astounding book has already helped me so much. I learn every time I open its pages, I grow and feel and pour my heart into it. It does so much for me. I have no doubt as to the truth of its words.
I would like to give you a little challenge.. I want you to read this. Even just a little bit of it. If you don’t have a copy, you can get a free one here. You don’t have to read the whole thing- although I strongly urge you to. If you get confused, don’t get discouraged! There are parts that even I don’t understand. But I want you to take this book with an open heart, an open mind. I want you to read whatever you’re willing, as much as you can. And then-and this may be tough- I’d like you to ask the Lord if what you read was true. I’m not talking about some grand, soul-searching journey(even though I have nothing against that!), I’m just talking about a simple prayer. Just ask him. I want everyone to know the peace this book can bring you.
This challenge- though it may be daunting- is not as hard as you might think. I promise you, you will not regret it. So please, for you, just take a look. Give it a try. You don’t have to make any promises to turn a page.
I hope someday to be more than I am now.
But then, that’s not quite right, is it?
One day soon, I will be more than I am now. That is a promise.
I am meant for wonderful things in my life. We all are- it’s why we’re here. Sometimes it may take a while to figure it out, but it’s always there. And isn’t that half the battle? Figuring out who we are, why we’re on this spinning ball? Of course it is. For some people, that’s the hardest part. Others have known where they were going since preschool. Some people- like me- know why they’re here, but forget sometimes. So just remind yourself. There are so many ways to get back to what you feel is right. Just put in that effort, and you can go where you need to go.
I think I need to turn my life more towards my ultimate goal- being a mother. I want to follow a career path that will be the easiest to maintain with children, change my temperament and cultivate my patience. I want to learn, so much, so that I can answer little prying questions. I have so much work to do before I’ll be prepared for so great a calling- and who’s to say I ever will be prepared?
All I know, is that that is why I’m here. I will bring angels to this world, and if I’m going to be ready, I’ve got to start now. My future children have got to fight their way into my priorities, in whatever ways I can manage. Of course, admitting my destiny, my future, is a big step for me. It can be a big step for all of us.
Do you know where you’re going? Are you floating along, looking vaguely at everything surrounding you, wondering where you’re headed? I urge you to find out. Simply having a plan is so helpful, so motivating. Start somewhere. Try something. If it doesn’t fit, move on. Make a decision. Action by inaction is the worst thing you can do. Get up. Move. Do.
I am reinventing
myself my blog. It has a theme, a purpose, somewhere to go! This is the first post of the rest of my blog. I am going to leave up all the previous posts, rather than delete them or create a new blog, because I feel that there are a few gems in there. You are more than welcome to visit the past.
In the future, I am going to be following what is essentially the human soul. I am going to discuss the things that shape the soul- namely religion, love, and well-being. These are things I’m focused on in my life, and in sharing what I’ve learned- and am learning- with you, I hope to make it more clear to myself.
This life is a learning journey. I would be honored to share it with you.
I am going to CRY and SCREAM and SHOUT and YELL and HATE EVERYTHING. Why? Because I CAN.
I am going to LOVE and HOPE and DANCE and SING and LAUGH and LOVE EVERYTHING. Why? Because, damn it, I CAN.
I can do whatever the hell I want, be whoever I damn well please, act however I want- and I mean it!
I don’t have to follow your rules, I don’t have to walk your path, I don’t have to like your face- even if I probably will. I don’t have to be miserable because it’s “in.” I don’t have to be uncomfortable because it’s “hip.” I don’t have to be like you because it’s “cool.” I love me, he loves me, they love me for who I am. You don’t have to, but you’d better be ready to accept it, because I deserve it. I deserve to be who I am, to be who I want to be, and lucky for the world, I know it. I can feel it, and I can see it, and I can do it!!
I’m gonna make mistakes, laugh until I cry, cry until I laugh, feel good, feel bad, do it wrong, do it right.
I’m gonna live my own life.
And I’ll become someone amazing for it.
I’m dating a 27 year old. I’m not Mormon, though most of the people I’m around regularly are. I listen to weird music, have a weird style, and get weird ideas. I don’t like being just another face, like everyone else, following the crowd. I want to be the chick that everyone looks at and thinks, “What the hell is she doing?” I dance in the aisles at the grocery store, throw my head back and laugh in the rain, run around in my bare feet. I love girly dresses. I also love getting so ridiculously dirty that it takes ages to clean it up. I love constant change. I crave the new. I drink in experience and wonder and the chaos that is life.
I’m gonna keep doing ALL of this- and hopefully even more. I hope you’re ready, because it’s gonna be one hell of a ride.