Posts Tagged religion
So I’m in a singles ward
and I talked to my Bishop
(a while ago. I’m catching you up.)
Basically, I’m back into the swing of things.
Renewing my covenants every week.
I don’t think I’ve ever been happier.
It makes a difference.
By the end of the month I should be able to get my temple recommend, and I will be even happier then than I am now. I can’t believe what a difference it makes. I never knew how much a week can suffer just from missing one Sunday. ONE Sunday, and my whole week felt off. But I went today, and it was amazing. And it’s going to stay amazing.
A couple of months ago, when I was first coming back to the church, I really wanted to learn about Christ. That seemed to be my number one objective. I wanted to know about his life, the sacrifice he made for us, and what He means to me. In an unconnected event, I decided to read the Book of Mormon. I’ve already posted a little about that, if you recall. But what I want to talk about now is the fact that this book is a true and full testament of Christ. It’s incredible. Every page shouts a message of hope and peace at me. It promises me so many wonderful blessings. It soothes my soul and calms my pounding heart. It makes me want to spout dramatic and cliche phrases- so I do.
I truly love it. I am still behind on my challenge- more so than I would like to admit- but I am finding it over and over again. It keeps touching me in different ways, sending me new awe-inspiring messages. It fills me with a love I didn’t know I had. It is inspiring, motivating, and shocking. I am learning so much.
Christ lives. He is our Savior, and this November.. He’s what I’m really thankful for.
”The simple fact is this: anything that does not draw us closer to God takes us away from him. We have no middle ground, no foggy area where we can sin a little without suffering spiritual decline. That is why we must repent and come to Christ daily on submissive knees so that we can prevent bonfires of testimony from being snuffed out by sin.” -Joseph B. Wirthlin (Moroni 7:16-17)
I joined an event on facebook(which you can find here) to read the Book of Mormon by the end of the year. It’s been a little tough- I’m already behind. But every time I sit down to read, I am so filled with joy.. It’s inexpressibly beautiful. This book is so incredible.
“And if ye shall believe in Christ ye will believe in these words, for they are the words of Christ, … and they teach all men that they should do good.” 2 Nephi 33:10
Reading this astounding book has already helped me so much. I learn every time I open its pages, I grow and feel and pour my heart into it. It does so much for me. I have no doubt as to the truth of its words.
I would like to give you a little challenge.. I want you to read this. Even just a little bit of it. If you don’t have a copy, you can get a free one here. You don’t have to read the whole thing- although I strongly urge you to. If you get confused, don’t get discouraged! There are parts that even I don’t understand. But I want you to take this book with an open heart, an open mind. I want you to read whatever you’re willing, as much as you can. And then-and this may be tough- I’d like you to ask the Lord if what you read was true. I’m not talking about some grand, soul-searching journey(even though I have nothing against that!), I’m just talking about a simple prayer. Just ask him. I want everyone to know the peace this book can bring you.
This challenge- though it may be daunting- is not as hard as you might think. I promise you, you will not regret it. So please, for you, just take a look. Give it a try. You don’t have to make any promises to turn a page.
So everyone knows I’m in love with Dave… Even Dave knows it. Lately we’ve made some decisions about our relationship that are going to take us to grand and beautiful places. I’m so excited for us. But as we were talking about these decisions, we talked about some other things, too.
Like the fact that he is terrified for marriage- which everyone also knows, including me. He’s simply not ready for something like that. And I’m okay with it, I understand. Yesterday he said something about how we would probably break up before he ever got married, in conjunction with a statement about how he didn’t “know if we will get married or what.” I take this as progress. I have to wonder, however, what he would say or think if he knew how strongly I feel that that is exactly where our relationship is headed. Maybe not soon, not for a while. But not only is that something I want, it’s something I feel I’m going to have. And I can’t wait for that.
Every day, possibly every moment, I feel we are making decisions and doing the things that are setting us straighter and farther on the paths to our futures. I could be wrong about our paths staying interconnected for eternity, but I don’t really feel I am. Either way, connected or not, we’re going the right way. We’re doing the right things to promise our salvation, our peace. I have never loved another the way that I love him, nor do I want to. He is so special, so sacred and wonderful. I thank God every day for the love He’s blessed us with, and for the opportunity to be with someone who, in all honesty, has saved me.
One day, when my beautiful daughter asks me who my first love was, I don’t want to pull out old photo albums. I don’t want to dig through a box of old letters, search the dusty recesses of my mind, tell fantastic and tragic tales of love gone awry. I want to point across the room at my husband and say to my little girl, “He’s right there.”
I talked last time about Him. I’d like to elaborate a little, and outline my dilemma. We’ve had a few deep discussions about how we feel about each other and our future. We agree that our relationship grows deeper and stronger every day, and that we’re both terrified to lose each other. We got on the subject of religion while laying in bed a few weeks ago, and he sort of nudged me and said, “yeah, I think that’s where we’re gonna have problems, babe.” And he was right. He’s Mormon. He wants to get married in the temple, have a big Mormon family, and be Mormon-y and righteous the rest of his days. Okay, so I’m paraphrasing. But that’s the gist of it.
Me not being Mormon, our relationship would work out fine on my end. I’m open and accepting, I have no rules to follow, as long as I feel I’m doing right and I’m happy. But he can’t just get married by himself in the temple, duh. I would obviously have to be there. And just thinking about him going off to church by himself, everyone always asking where his wife is, not having real support at home.. And I would support him, I would. But if I wasn’t a member of his religion, it wouldn’t be real, wouldn’t be enough. He wouldn’t be able to come to me as easily as someone from church. That’s just the way Mormons work. If you don’t marry another Mormon, you can’t follow the path to righteousness.. Something like that. Again, paraphrasing.
Here’s my dilemma..
I love him. With all my heart and soul. There’s no one on Earth like him. He’s everything I want, and everything I never knew I wanted. He’s every cute cliché and every cheesy romance. And the longer I’m with him, the more I think about him, the more I might want that forever. I’m trying to be realistic, but I can’t deny that’s a real possibility.
But he’s Mormon, and I’m not.
I want him to be happy.
The question I pose is this: Do I give the Mormon religion another chance for him, effectively throwing away who I am and what I believe to make him happy?
He said he doesn’t want me to change for him, that he doesn’t want me to want to change. But someone is going to have to give up something for us to be happy together for more than this temporary state. Am I willing to let that be me? Am I willing to give open support to a group I’ve been immensely disappointed in, to lock myself up in a corner of my heart, to throw away the peace I’ve worked so hard to obtain, for him? So that he can be happy, and I can be happy with him? Would it be worth it? I’ve always been told not to change myself for love, because love fades, it’s not worth it, blah blah blah. I never thought I would even consider it, was sure I would never do it. Now.. Now, I look in his eyes, I play with his hair, and I think I could do anything for him.. Even, effectively, changing my own self.
Would it be worth it?